Reactive Mind

Delirious from hypoglycaemia and the indignity of another failed ‘Pheasant Woman’ novel, L. Ron Hubbard conjured up Dianetics which combined both aspects of his poorly controlled Diabetes and the future Heretics he envisioned would audit the minds of the innocent in an attempt to rid the world of depravity and recapture the monolith. Unfortunately, all the allegories involving molecules, experiments and hard fact were too cumbersome and required narcotic free rationality so Hubbard decided to promote his new science (fiction) by establishing a foundation. Like the rusty sign that indicates the red light district of Nepal, L.Ron too had gained legitimacy through advertising, donations and shock factor. By 1950 he was bigger than the foundation for gluten intolerant Negros and was gaining momentum fast.

The practice of ‘auditing’ which has been described in various Dianetic journals as a ‘lukewarm lobotomy’ combines Freudian psychoanalysis, vivisection and Pepsi. “Basically it’s a spectrum from scalp massage all the way to decapitation”, says one auditor who used to work for the Inland Revenue Service. “Sure there have been casualties, but if you want to find those engrams you gotta dig deep”, the auditor confesses remembering how he once extracted an engram with a spoon without anaesthesia. “But the psychiatrists are much worse”, he offers. “Not only were they behind 9/11 and sub-prime, but they also raped and murdered Michael Jackson”. “Raped”, he mouths silently for emphasis as blood begins to trickle down his left nostril. I politely run out of the building.