The Curtsy

At a local rally in Harare, President Robert Mugabe is believed to have curtsied in front of thousands of supporters. The gesture came moments after the announcement that sanctions had failed to dim the light bulb that is Zanu-PF. The function, which had been organized by the War Veterans Automobile Club convened to celebrate the redundancy of the $100,000 bank note, which appeared to rain from the heavens like worthless confetti.

Guest speaker Robert Mugabe had only been inciting the crowd for perhaps 40 minutes when he took a step back from the microphone and meandered into the center of the stage. At first it appeared as if one of his syphilitic knees had given way but then, unexpectedly, he did not keel over and die but instead his half-squatting form deliberated into position as if giving birth or passing a stool. His knobby fingers and their dyed knuckle hair began to fumble with the edges of what appeared to be a very loud shirt. And before anyone could stop him, before anyone knew what it was or whether it was good or bad, the President was curtsying - curtsying like a polite 12 year old girl might in the presence of the Queen. Curtsying and smiling.

Several henchman in the vicinity nearly choked on their strawberries (indeed the event was catered by Marks and Spencer).

It was reported that many of the young Veterans had to be given additional (f)arms in order to better understand President Mugabe’s episode of ‘heat stroke’.